Saturday, 14 March 2015

Friday 13th March...

Yesterday was a day of reckoning for me! I did something I've often felt like doing, but avoided: I announced my retirement from directing my chorus.
The impulse came from a rotten rehearsal the night before. It wasn't all rotten, aside from the fact that the lead (tune) singers who could hold a note and make it audible were off sick, making it impossible to rehearse older repertoire (which is always fun). An new arrangement of a jolly song did get some practice - I weeded out a few wrong notes (though I don't know if that is a permanent cull) and it was generally agreed that the exercise had been useful.

No, the crunch came with a new arrangement that was not appreciated as a welcome addition to our repertoire, since it was cabaret rather just another song: a free adaptation of a number by someone who is apparently some kind of holiness, though the artist involved cannot sing at all and is known for his satirical texts - many of which are a take on his audiences. I could kick myself for not realising just how conservative the chorus ladies are and kick myself for wanting to do something avantgarde, in this case, a take-off of the song involved (which was already a take-off).

So I am surrendering, aren't I? I do not have the energy to push on with that arrangement and I certainly don't have enough energy to spurn on a few women who don't want to be spurned on. I don't want to be unjust. Some are keen to have another bash, but I just can't be bothered any more.

What a dilemma for me personally!  If I didn't have other ways of 'making' things, I would be pushing myself into limbo. But maybe that's what it's all about. Limbo may not be so bad, after all.

What happens next I do not know. It is possible that some will say they can't attend any more rehearsals because the chorus has no future (despite some concerts having been arranged). In that case I will simply shut down. The chorus is a sort of habit, I suppose, something some of the ladies can do if there's nothing else on. That's why it's amateur. There are a few with a professional attitude, but they cannot make up for the others.

But I don't have an amateur attitude. I do something at full throttle. If that's not possible, I don't do it at all. I'd rather watch TV.

As usual I'm writing for myself. I have never cultivated an audience for my blogs, but use them mainly as tools to keep in touch with myself. So be it...

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